7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore

One of the difficult things about dating is that sometimes
people put a version of themselves forward that doesn’t correspond to who they really are. So you can start a relationship, think you’re dating this wonderful person and find out after several months that that’s in fact not the case. And that’s why in this video, I want to give you seven red flags that you absolutely need to be aware of to avoid dating someone that you don’t want to be with. And this is true of both men and women and I’m gonna focus on things that aren’t so obvious and not just jealousy or clinginess — things that might be happening that you’re not noticing that if you did, you could save yourself a lot of pain. So the first thing is that if the person that you are dating has friends that you don’t like, chances are the person you’re dating is someone you eventually will not like. Now, of course you want to treat them as an individual, right? You’re saying, “They’re not like their friends. They don’t have these qualities so why should I ascribe to them qualities that I see in these other people?” And if that’s a wonderful feeling but the truth is we are all products of the five people that we hang out with the most. We’re like our friends especially if we spend a lot of time with them. So if you think that the person you’re dating doesn’t
have the qualities that you see in their friend — maybe in terms of ambition, they’re unkind, or whatever — guess what? The person that you are seeing is probably putting on a face; in reality, they’re much more like their friends and they want you to believe that they just want to impress you early on it so they don’t let you know. The second thing is very similar to that and it’s if you want to know how somebody’s gonna behave when things aren’t going so well and they no longer feel the need to impress you, look at how they trait waitstaff, look at how they treat service people, and look at how they treat anyone in the world that seems or they feel has lower status than they do. When people go out to a restaurant, one of the nice things is that there is a waitstaff that serves you and all the times, people feel like they do not need to impress that person because they’re already paying them. Guess what? That means that they’re going to behave in a way that is constant for anyone that they are not trying to impress and you will eventually become that person for them so while they might be very sweet to you and understanding of your flaws, if they are really, really rude or unkind or not understanding when the waiter makes a mistake when that’s you after several months you will likely receive that same pattern. So if you don’t like the treatment the way that they treat waitstaff, you’re probably eventually not going to like the way that they treat you. The third piece and this one can feel good is be wary when someone breaks confidence in order to tell you a secret especially early on. So if someone comes up to you and during the course of your conversation says, “Don’t repeat this. I was asked not to say this but…” and then tells you something, that’s a pretty good indicator that they are breaking the confidence
of somebody else who asked them not to say something; in fact, it might be somebody that they probably
have known longer than they’ve known you. And while it might make you feel special to go,
“Oh, my gosh. They trust me so much they’re telling me this,” eventually, you’ll be the person telling them secrets
that they are going and blabbing on about. But secrets aren’t even the real issue here; it’s how they treat their word. They likely, at least implicitly, let that person know that they wouldn’t say it and then they broke their word; they told you. That is a horrible, horrible trait in someone that you’re looking to date as a partner. You need someone that really respects their word and
if you get indication that they don’t, you should probably get out. The fourth thing is going to be heavily engaging in social media
or anything else that is very appearance-based. Now, I’ve made videos on social media;
it is in my business especially — I’m here on YouTube. It’s an odd relationship that I have but one thing that I have noticed in my own life and with other people is that the amount of time that someone spends cultivating an identity and an appearance in their life in whatever form it takes — any social media or even just gossiping or letting people know that they did a certain thing because they’re concerned with reputation — that tends to correspond to less time spent on their character or less time spent on who they are. So while they might look like they’re making all this wonderful progress in their meeting these amazing people or climbing mountains are meditating, if that’s all the photos and the imagery and the words that you’re seeing on social media, it can very very often be the case that behind the scenes that I’ve heard and seen so many stories that is the complete opposite. On the contrary, when someone is doing those things, you might get a post here and there but it’s not going to be the main focus; they’re actually doing it in their life. So if you and the person you’re dating have very different social media habits, sorry but it’s likely that you have very different values as well and you are probably not a match. The fifth thing if someone has a history of not having long-lasting relationships, be wary. This one is perhaps a little bit more obvious but I feel like I need to say it because I have part of myself and I know that a lot of people
out there do feel like they want to rescue people. When they see someone that it’s in dire straits, they feel like, “Oh my gosh, I can help. It makes me feel good and makes me
feel special to help plus it helps them,” fantastic. And it’s very easy to be lured in by stories of, “This is why I’m no longer close to my family. This is why I had to get rid of my best friend and then
my new best friend did this and betrayed me in this way…” but if you start to hear these stories on loop and you
find that this person has no long lasting relationships, that is generally a sign, of course, that the common thread is them and that the stories that you’re getting are rationalizations and the family members or friends would have a very different tale. Now, it is of course the case that people do come from
really rough family backgrounds on occasion and that in order to live their healthiest life they might have
had to extricate himself from their family or from a group of friends. But if it’s a repeat thing and you’re seeing it all
the time then you really do need to be wary. Next up — this is very, very related to this one — number six is going to be — if they talk about their breakups and their ex in a
way that puts all of the responsibility onto their ex that is a horrible, horrible sign and of course it feels nice for a second when someone’s telling you about your breakup and you go, “Oh my god, that wasn’t your fault. It was your ex who did all these crazy things you poor soul.” But really, we all make mistakes whether it’s in choosing the person and staying with the person and creating fights and perpetuating fights, if you’re in a situation and in a relationship that is ongoing, you are partially to blame there is things to be learned and responsibilities to be taken. So if you’re talking to someone — this is true in business and this is true in any sort of split that happens in life — and you are not hearing them take responsibility
in any way, “It’s just that this person is a bad person, they did this, and good people like me just get taken advantage of,” guess what? They have no self-awareness, they have not self-reflected,
and they haven’t fixed the problem that they contributed to which means you’re up; next, they’re gonna have the same
problems in the relationship with you so be very wary. On the other hand, if they do say, “Here’s how I contributed.
Here’s how they contributed. you put those two together; it was explosive. Here’s what I would like to do different,” even though there’s a problem that they’re saying that they have that simple awareness that they’re working on it is oftentimes so much better than a lack of awareness. And the last thing this is one that I was guilty of in my younger years and it was seeing the person that I had just started dating or seeing as perfect. And oftentimes, this happens when you’ve been friends with someone or when you’ve really idolized them for a long time from afar, you’ve wanted to get to know them, and finally you work up the courage to speak to them and, what do you know, now you’re in a relationship — this happened to me,
I lucked out once — and I saw the girl that I was seeing as perfect. And very, very quickly, that relationship fell apart and it wasn’t because of anything horrible that either of us did but it was because I was dating an idea of her. She wasn’t a flesh-and-blood person with flaws to me; she was this perfect image of someone who would make my life better. And oftentimes, when people see you as perfect, it can feel really good like a lot of these things can but it’s an indicator that they don’t have the ability to treat you like an honest-to-god human being and when you do reveal your flaws which we all have, they might not handle it well, they might not help
you get through it, and they might not even be able to cope with it. So if someone, very early on, is seeing you as a perfect
version of yourself, that is actually not a good thing. If they see you as a better version of yourself while still accepting and even beginning to love or work with some of your flaws, that is a completely different story and is actually healthy. But if they just see you as perfect and can’t see your flaws, sorry to say — it’s not that you don’t have flaws, it’s because — that is red flag number seven. So I hope that these red flags have helped you and maybe you have identified something in your own life that you can get out of early or that will save you down the line. Another thing that we have sort of related to this, we have a video set up on first impressions. And if you want to check out the four emotions that make an amazing first impression and a scenario including in dating, if this is something that you’re interested in, go ahead click below; we have a link which will take you to a page. You put in your email and you can learn the four emotions to make an amazing first impression in any situation anywhere cross-culturally; you just got to create these emotions in the right order. So, I hope that you guys have enjoyed this video. I am again doing a live a live stream on Facebook. It’s gonna be 11:00 a.m. tomorrow, the day of the release, so that’s going to be Tuesday at 11 a.m. Pacific time and 2 p.m. Eastern time. If you follow us on Facebook, I’m gonna go live; you can ask me your questions, we’ll have a good time, and if you enjoy this video
I hope that you decide to subscribe to the channel. Smash that notification bell, the Likes, or whatever you want… comment. I think I’m supposed to say all this stuff but honestly, I don’t know that it matters. I just really hope that you enjoyed the video so that is it for this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.

100 Replies to “7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore”

  1. What do men think about women who like to talk about true crime cases, including analyzing crime scenes and doing armchair psychological profiles of criminals, witnesses & victims?

    My ex never really complained about me or my habits except for that.

    We scheduled dinner with another couple. At the time, I was really into JFK & Marilyn Monroe. Ahead of the date, he politely says, “Please don’t talk about JFK & Marilyn.” I said, “OK.”

    But when we were eating dinner, it just slipped out. And the female of the couple we were with goes, “OMG, JFK & Marilyn! I love it!”….Point is, so many women are into crime these days. Guys, is that a turn-off? What kind of sign is it of future behavior (besides watching mostly police shows on TV)?

  2. What I find hysterically amusing is you date the same very good looking wrong person, with different names, over and over again. Occasionally I'd go to restroom come back and 5 guys are laughing with my now happily laughing date, I'd secretly pay bill and great tip, ask ""give this $20 to her, say, "cab fare", then a last look leave, but strangely feel way lucky, call me ole fashioned. I'm quite sure she got a ride. And the worldly bar tender would knowingly wink.

  3. The real problem is that we are all too political correct.. offended by EVERYTHING..nothing works for us eventually…
    My parents were married after a few dates, untill now they're still tolerant towards eachothers' flaws..
    There's no perfect person .. ull b hurt if u try to find one😬

  4. Sometimes some of us aren’t even given a chance to prove our worth. Perhaps it’s just being too good and it’s their loss from it. Might be better off just staying single.

  5. Sometimes really nice good people marry abusers. You aren't taking into account good people that are with abusive people.

  6. Okay that's great he's given this advice but think about this your grandparents are your great-grandparents how the relationship was I remember mine my grandpa and my grandma were like oil and water and I was like why they together but somehow she got a house to live in free and clear so with that said there would be no relationships if everybody went with this flag system

  7. so #5 is: Don't give them a chance unless they have already had long relationships that floundered. If someone has not had relationships in the past, they dont deserve to ever have one?

  8. Bingo on social media! It is the most artificial projection of a person, people typically just post superficial good life images of themselves. No way judging other people but I chose not to have FaceBook, Twitter or Instagram – waste of time.

  9. Had a very hard time of getting that through to my friend about his family and how they treat wait staff. Huge deal to me.

  10. Do you use a filter to widen your mouth. Cause bro you look like a peeze dispenser. Sorry kiddo but cant take ya serious. Especially when you aint got half the life experience you should have to even weigh in on the topic.

  11. What's wrong with expecting a good service for money?

    That being said I wouldn't be rude but I would politely get them to fix their mistake…

  12. Other red flags they do not like or accept differences of opinion or the word no they are always right.Lying about small things which usually means they are comfortable lying.

  13. I don’t know I just tend not to date that often because all my relationships have turned out badly. My longest one lasted about a year I was cheated on twice different women though. Am not saying I didn’t contribute to some of it but it was without a doubt mostly them 75-80% the relationship didn’t work was on them. The first one we should have just stayed friends I probably didn’t take charge enough etc. The second I kinda lost interest to be honest and not a lot of communication on our part. Am close to all my family except maybe some distant cousins am pretty close with all my friends even though we don’t talk much life and all.

  14. You kidding? Me and my friends are unbelievably different characters. You are just throwing around assumptions aren't you?

  15. When women say their ex was abusive to them. It usually means she was abusive or provoked him and he retaliated!
    Classic blame shifting!

  16. The last part makes it all sound like you can't handle a flawed person, which we all are. You had been friends, you should… Know… That person's flaws, right…? Idk

  17. If she's anywhere near me it's a red flag. That's not to say I'm ugly, that's to say how risky it is, and how much worth no reward isn't.

  18. I only kind of agree with number 5 obviously if any said person has estranged relationships with their immediate family that can be a red flag and same being said concerning relationships with significant others as well. However, speaking for myself I have to say that the education system is not indicative when it comes to concerning itself with your personal relationships. Their are many people, myself included, who got bounced around between many different schools and as a result never had the chance to attain a good core group of friends, and then I joined the navy, and if you think that the education systems doesn't care about relationships then well the navy seems as though that they thrive off of making relationships as hard as possible to keep. In my 4 years of serving I bounced back and fourth through 4 different commands and 12 different divisions between those commands and yes I met some wonderful people but I yet again found myself being distanced from them through literal distance. Now I sit as a 29 year old man who is still kind of awkward when it comes to relationships of which the only long lasting positive ones I can name are with my parents. So to all those reading this keep these "red flags" as more of a guide book than a rule book because everyone has different hurdles in life and it would be a shame if these rules became one for anyone who is actually a decent person.

  19. I'll give you two red flags and they're the only two that you should worry about. The first red flag is if they are female. The second red flag is if they are male. That is the only two red flags you have to look out for. Mgtow 4 life.

  20. No. 6. Woman can't take responsibility for anything. Its always someone else fault….they want the authority but never the accountability……

  21. Lol you are missing such a big part of it … my ex wife became a totally different person AFTER MARRIAGE. She passed every red flag you listed before marriage however.

  22. Soooo… I have A LOT of red flags? I use social media A LOT is part of my bussiness and I portray myself like a character… and #5 I have had really nasty friends and drama comes my way almost everyday… so… I'm not worth of dating?

  23. I always put a woman in a no win scenario to see if she choses me or runs for the hills. Nine out of ten girls that say they love me forever, run for the hills at the first sign of anything that triggers them. A girls love means how she feels at the moment, it can switch as fast as she gets pissed or her attraction level drops.

  24. Don't change ANYTHING about yourself to 'impress' anyone. Be yourself and cherish the people that are impressed by who YOU are. You will be much happier. Now, if you're one of those people that can't live without bitching and constantly arguing, go ahead, change yourself and enjoy your drama as everyone around you disappears.

  25. 8. Jojo is an average unenjoyable series
    9. Broccoli is the perfect vegetable
    10. Pluto is not a planet
    11. Carisma on command is not worth her time

  26. As to #6, My ex was a clinically diagnosed narcissist. That's why I broke up with her: all the manipulation and games and abuse. Now, the only thing I can think that I did wrong was that I didn't see what was going on and even enabled, and see the signs before we got together even though in hindsight, the problems were fairly clear. This one I just chock up to experience.

    Another thing I'd add to this list is avoid people who are bad at managing money. They always want to borrow some. And they'll encourage you to be reckless with your money as well.

  27. Hey, so I keep seeing a girl at my school that I really want to introduce myself to, but I don't have any classes with her. Do you have any tips on how I could approach her?

  28. Honestly thank you so much for this video. This guy at work is giving me such mixed messages, he literally hugged me today put of nowhere I was literally just standing there. And he's always on his phone and he used to be friends with this girl on my basketball team that was so mean to me. This girl literally wouldn't even leg me in her team picture. And yeah some time saved, thanks. Totally not dating this guy he's just trying to play on my feelings cause he knows I like him… so mean):

  29. " There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out" Mae West; "Often you don’t know whether a woman is friend, enemy or lover until it is too late, Sometimes, she is all three.” Robert Jordan

  30. I told my crush a sincere secret about myself and broke confidence. Immediately after she said “wow, I wish I had that much confidence.” Any thoughts?

  31. what if you just started dating for the first time and it's the same for the other person, like, me and my boyfriend both are in our first ever relationship and I really need advice

  32. if you are a guy the girl is always looking for a better option, you are not a for sure thing. you never are …you are just the best option at this time!

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