How can queer women get the sexual health care they deserve? | Asking for a Friend


My OBGYN has played maybe 10 percent of
a role in my sexual health. She said, “Oh you know, you don’t really need to get tested for AIDS because you don’t have sex with men and you’re not a prostitute. If you’re straight or if you’re a gay man then yes, you’ve been told countless
times that you need to have safe sex. But if you identify as a lesbian, a bisexual or
a queer woman then you’ve probably noticed that your sexual health has been largely
left out of the conversation. So what I’m wondering is, how can queer women get
the sexual healthcare they deserve? Queer women or the phrase “women who
sleep with women” includes those who might not identify as women. But for this
video we’re talking about people with vaginas who are also sleeping people with vaginas. Imagine it this way, you walk into a doctor’s office and before you’ve even said
a word they’ve already made assumptions about your sexuality, who you’ve slept
with or what you are at risk for. The only questions they asked about sexual
health were, “Are you using birth control or are you using condoms?” So I would always say, “No and no.” The nurses would look at me horrified
and say, “What are you doing then?” And then I would say, “Well, I’m a lesbian.” Doctors in my community have tended to be older men, generally white, who are not only not LGBT-friendly but (also) not sexuality-friendly. Medical students get almost no training in LGBTQ health. I can see them get visibly uncomfortable and kind of clam up and then it’s like, “Well, now
you’re about to look into my vagina and I feel deeply uncomfortable.” That discomfort, that lack of knowledge, these have serious health consequences. Maybe you never go back or
maybe the doctor doesn’t give you the care you need. The state of LGBTQ health
remains tenuous. You don’t need a penis or semen to spread STIs. Queer women can pass them
back and forth, like this. And that’s just assuming that you and your partner and all of their partners have only slept with women. Some of us are lesbians who
also sleep with men. Some of us are male identified lesbians. Some of us are lesbians to walk around with dildos in their pants all day. So how did we get here? People still have a really hard time even understanding what women do together. Like if there isn’t a penis involved, it may not be really sex. Think about it. Remember all of those
safe sex campaigns we grew up with? First, only gays and IV drug users were being
killed by AIDS. In fact, the person you are with right now might have HIV. Yeah, that’s a lot of straight people and gay men. So what does safe sex even look like for queer women? So this is a dental dam. People don’t even know where to buy dental dams. Who the hell would want to use them anyway? Hold it against your darling, use the
other side of it for yourself for your mouth. It’s not something I use all the time. It’s something I use when somebody is like, “Oh hey, this is happening.” “Okay. Cool.” So this is a finger cot. It will protect your finger. Finger condoms are something that I recently discovered. I don’t think my
OBGYN actually has ever said you could use dental dams or you could use gloves. This information is just not as readily available as it needs to be. So what are some ways that queer women can make the appointments are relevant? So tell them what you need to get out of the appointment. I know I get my partners tested. As my best friend Nicky and I would say, “Show me the papers!” Laminated. My vagina is serious business.

11 Replies to “How can queer women get the sexual health care they deserve? | Asking for a Friend”

  1. Jepp I can totaly refer to this… After a 4 years relationship with a guy and being on birth controle – there was the time for my yearly chevk at my gyn and I was actually mentioning that I'm bi and since I'm single now if she could remind me of things I should watch out for and how big which risks when are and stuff… And I pretty much got her unarmed or how you'd call it I guess cause except of telling me that there's no big risks about std's between women followed with the term dental dam there was nothing more she could tell me by then lol

  2. So why arent trans men mentioned? They are way overlooked in this video. As a trans woman this concerns me. Are you saying that they are queer women because they are not. But their health is just as important.

  3. …this really didn't need to be so gross about referring to trans-men as being women. Not necessary. Neither was posting video of Janani, who specifically identifies as trans. You can and should do better.

  4. What?????????????????????????????????????????? THE? FUCK? IS? WRONG? WITH? PEOPLE??? Why is this even an issue? We live in America, pretty much the greatest country on Earth. Focus on the economy, and what Free Trade has done by shipping all our jobs & manufacturing overseas. Get our money in order. You'll have SO much money then that you can pay for any kind of healthcare that you want. Trust me. We could & should all be so rich right now, but these wall street revolving door lobbyist fucks up and ran off with all of our money. That needs to be the priority. Then when we're all rich it will be really easy to fix all the other things.

  5. If you pay for the healthcare then you'll get the healthcare they can provide. If they can't provide what you want, well too bad that's just life.. They're working on it.

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