The GOP Brings the Dead Health Care Bill Back to Life: The Daily Show

A week ago,
the Republican effort to repeal and replace Obamacare
appeared to be deader than Usher’s prospects
on Tinder. But… you’ve got to hand it
to McConnell and Trump. The tortoise and the hare
put their heads together and they figured out a way to
bring the dead health care bill back to life. REPORTER:
Breaking news: tiebreaker.
The vice president casting
the vote to advance debate
on health care legislation
in the Senate.
The GOP now closer
to actually killing Obamacare.
I don’t know who’s
more unoriginal right now– Hollywood or Senate Republicans. So many sequels.Health Care Bill 1,
Health Care Bill 2,
Health Care Bill in Space,Health Care Bill vs. Predator.It’s-it’s the one
where the Predator lost because of pre-existing
conditions. You know that one? Yeah, it was, it was
ovarian cysts. Yeah. Oh, you thought
Predator was a man? Oh, oh. Woke up, people. You’ve got cysts
on your awareness. Yeah, that’s right. Now, uh, now, the question is
how did this bill come back from the dead
this time? Well, up until now,
the reason Republicans have had so much trouble
repealing Obamacare is that their senators couldn’t
agree on how to replace it. Uh, some wouldn’t vote for a
bill that cut Medicaid too much, some wouldn’t vote
for a bill that left any Obamacare taxes
in place, some wouldn’t vote for the bill because it was
printed in Comic Sans. It just doesn’t
look professional. But then, I guess,
Mitch McConnell smoked some weed and was like,
“You can’t vote for a bill… if you don’thavea bill.” Right now it’s unclear what
the final bill will look like and if the GOP leadership
can muster the votes to pass it. Well, now what? Yeah, no,
it’s an excellent question. What they voted today was simply
to start the debate. This was not a vote
on a health care bill, it was only a vote to begin
debate on a health care bill, and it just barely passed. Sometime between now
and maybe Thursday night or maybe in the early hours
of the morning on Friday, they will have
a final resolution of this, pass or fail. So the new GOP plan
is to reinvent the national health care system
by Thursday? I admire their optimism. “We haven’t been able to do this
in seven years. Let’s try it in three days.
Yeah!” Oh, and, by the way,
this isn’t three real days. It’s technically 20 hours
of actual working time. 20 hours. That’s all they have. And 20 hours
is not a lot of time to build
a new health care system. Hell, I can’t even build
an IKEA bookshelf in 20 hours. And I know what you’re thinking.
“It shouldn’t really take that long to put together
an IKEA bookshelf.” But I can’t help it–
I keep getting distracted by that guy
in the instruction manual. Who is he? What are his hopes and dreams? Is he naked?
If so, where is his penis? Did IKEA forget to include it or did it just roll
under the couch, like one of those little things? You know, the-the pointy things? Anyway, the point is,
20 hours is not enough to revamp healthcare. And, now, if you…
if you’re really confused by what’s happening, you’re probably
a Republican senator, uh, who has to vote on Thursday. So, so let me try and explain
what you’ve done. And, everyone else, you-you can
pay attention if you want. You see, Republicans, you want
to repeal and replace Obamacare. Now, you could have gone
the normal way, with the public committee
hearings and proposals, uh, both parties
could have read and debated. But you skipped that because you knew your ideas
would die of exposure. Then you tried to write the bill
in a 13-dude Chamber of Secrets. That also failed. So now your genius leader’s
new plan is to throw the entire
national health care system out on the Senate floor,
let everyone randomly spitball on what it should be, and then
you hope that 51 of them agree by the end of the week. And no one knows
how that’s gonna turn out. Nobody knows.
The one thing we do know is Mitch McConnell is determined
to pass something. How determined? This determined. REPORTER:
Senator John McCain of Arizona,
a man who was diagnosed with
brain cancer just a week ago,
comes rushing in on
Capitol Hill to cast his vote.
He traveled
all the way from Arizona
so that he could get
to this floor
and vote yes on moving forward
the discussion
of whether to repeal
and/or replace Obamacare.
That’s right.
Mitch McConnell was so hell-bent on getting this passed,
he forced a man who was just diagnosed
with brain cancer to come to Washington to vote. McCain was probably like,
“What the hell, Mitch? Don’t you know
I could be dying?” And McConnell was like,
“If we cared about people dying, “we wouldn’t be doing this bill.
Now shut up and vote. Shut up and vote.”

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