Trump On American Healthcare: When You Love Something, Let It Explode


>>Stephen: LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW.” I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK ON THIS
STAGE. LAST WEEK, WE WERE OFF. WE PRETENDED WE HAD NEW SHOWS ON
MONDAY, TUESDAY, AND WEDNESDAY, BUT THOSE WERE ACTUALLY TAPED
THE WEEK BEFORE. IT WAS AN ILLUSION CREATED BY AN
EVIL GENIUS SO I COULD DRINK RUM AND YOU COULD WATCH MARCH
MADNESS. SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT. ( APPLAUSE )
GO GAMECOCKS! BUT WHAT A GREAT TIME TO BE
AWAY FROM THE SHOW.>>Jon: RIGHT, SO NOTHING
HAPPENED.>>Stephen: NOTHING HAPPENED
WHILE I WAS GONE, RIGHT? ( LAUGHTER )
OH, THERE’S ONE THING– THE GOP FINALLY LAUNCHED THEIR OBAMACARE
REPEAL. I BELIEVE WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF
THAT FROM LAST WEEK.>>I’M JUST A BILL… ♪ YES, I’M ONLY A BILL ♪
♪ AND I’M SITTING HERE ON CAPITOL HILL ♪
( GUNSHOT ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: OH! WOW-WEE! ( LAUGHTER )
OH, NO! DON’T DO IT! DON’T DO IT! IT’S JUST A CARTOON, FOLKS. HE’S FINE. WELL, THAT DID NOT GO AS
PLANNED. ( LAUGHTER )
THEY’RE SO SURE THEY WERE GOING TO GET THIS THIS THING DONE THAT
AN ANTI-OBAMACARE PAC RAN A BUNCH OF VERSIONS OF THIS AD
DURING BASKETBALL AFTER THE BILL FAILED.>>REPUBLICANS ARE KEEPING THEIR
PROMISE WITH A NEW PLAN FOR BETTER HEALTHCARE. NO MORE BIG GOVERNMENT PENALTIES
OR JOB KILLING MANDATES. THANK CONGRESSMAN GREG WALDEN. FOR KEEPING HIS PROMISE AND
REPLACING THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT WITH THE BETTER HEALTHCARE
YOU DESERVE.>>STEPHEN: THEY ALSO RAN THIS
AD CONGRATULATING KANSAS FOR MAKING IT TO THE FINAL FOUR AND
PRINTED A NEWSPAPER DECLARING — DEWEY DEFEATS HEALTHCARE REFORM. ( APPLAUSE )
PRO( PIANO RIFF ) AND THE WHITE HOUSE TRIED TO
GET THIS THROUGH. THERE WAS FULL COURT PRESS FROM
TRUMP AND HIS PEOPLE. THEY TRIED TO
SWING THEIR BALLS AT MEMBERS OF THE CONSERVATIVE FREEDOM CAUCUS,
EVEN SUMMONING THEM TO THE WHITE HOUSE WHERE ADVISER AND
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION, STEVE BANNON, TOLD THEM —
“THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION. THIS IS NOT A DEBATE. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO VOTE
FOR THIS BILL.” TO WHICH ONE OF THE MEMBERS
REPLIED — “YOU KNOW, THE LAST TIME SOMEONE
ORDERED ME TO DO SOMETHING, I WAS 18 YEARS OLD. AND IT WAS MY DADDY. AND I DIDN’T LISTEN TO HIM
EITHER.” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NO SUH!>>Jon: I DO DECLARE!>>Stephen: AND, SO, I PUT MY
IN THAT BOX OF FIRE CRACKERS AND TODAY I’M CONGRESSMAN CUSTAS
“SPARKY” JONES. SO, ON FRIDAY, LACKING THE VOTES
THEY NEEDED, THEY FOLDED THE OBAMACARE REPEAL AND PLACED IT
IN THE CABINET OF BROKEN REPUBLICAN DREAMS NEXT TO
TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS AND A JESUS-SHAPED FIGHTER JET THAT
DROPS GAY PEOPLE ON ISIS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT WILL GET ‘EM. THAT WILL SHOW ‘EM!>>Jon: HEY —
>>Stephen: THEY COULD NOT GET THE FUNDING FOR THAT SOMEHOW. I DON’T UNDERSTAND. ( LAUGHTER )
SO IT’S A FAILURE. SO WHO DOES TRUMP BLAME FOR THIS
FAILURE?>>WE HAD NO DEMOCRAT SUPPORT. WE HAD NO VOTES FROM THE
DEMOCRATS.>>STEPHEN: NOT ENOUGH VOTES TO
GET A MAJORITY? THAT DIDN’T STOP YOU FROM
BECOMING PRESIDENT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JUST WORK YOUR MAGIC! JUST WORK YOUR MAGIC! ( PIANO RIFF )
IT’S ALMOST LIKE WE’RE LIVING IN SOME SORT OF DEMOCRACY. SO HE BLAMED DEMOCRATS AND
CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS AND MODERATE REPUBLICANS. BUT THERE IS ONE PERSON TRUMP
DOESN’T BLAME. HERE’S A HINT — IT RHYMES WITH
“DONALD TRUMP.” ( LAUGHTER )
>>I NEVER SAID — I GUESS I’M HERE, WHAT, 64 DAYS. I NEVER SAID “REPEAL AND REPLACE
OBAMACARE.” YOU’VE ALL HEARD MY SPEECHES. I NEVER SAID “REPEAL IT AND
REPLACE IT WITHIN 64 DAYS.” I HAVE A LONG TIME.>>STEPHEN: YEAH, TRUMP NEVER
SAID HE’D REPEAL OBAMACARE IN 64 DAYS. HE HAD A DIFFERENT TIME FRAME IN
MIND.>>THE FIRST THING WE’RE GOING
TO DO IS REPEAL AND REPLACE OBAMACARE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MY FIRST DAY IN OFFICE, I’M GOING TO ASK CONGRESS TO PUT A
BILL ON MY DESK. WE WILL IMMEDIATELY REPEAL AND
REPLACE THE DISASTER KNOWN AS OBAMACARE. IMMEDIATELY REPEALING AND
REPLACING OBAMACARE. IMMEDIATELY, IMMEDIATELY
REPEALING AND REPLACING OBAMACARE.>>STEPHEN: IMMEDIATELY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IMMEDIATELY. IMMEDIATELY. DAY ONE, IMMEDIATELY. ( LAUGHTER )
SO, I GUESS, TECHNICALLY, HE DIDN’T FAIL ON FRIDAY. HE FAILED TWO MONTHS AGO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) AND AFTER ALL HIS CAMPAIGN
PROMISES, NOTHING! IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU CAN’T TRUST
A FAST-TALKING CITY SLICKER WHO ROLLS INTO TOWN PROMISING A
MAGIC SOLUTION TO ALL OUR MEDICAL NEEDS. I’M STARTING TO DOUBT THE
EFFECTIVENESS OF DR. BANNON’S ANTI-MUSLIM TOAD OIL. ( LAUGHTER )
JUST RUB IT ON. YOU JUST RUB IT ON.>>Stephen: YOU’VE GOT TO GET
THE MUSLIM TO HOLD STILL WHILE YOU RUB IT ON. BUT IT’S NOT MY PRODUCT. I DIDN’T SAY IT WORKED. JUST A SPONSOR. JUST A SPONSOR. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP ALSO DOESN’T BLAME– AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT — PAUL
RYAN. SPEAKING OF NOT BLAMING PAUL
RYAN, TRUMP FOUND TIME TO MAKE A TV RECOMMENDATION, TWEETING ON
SATURDAY — “WATCH @JUDGEJEANINE ON @FOXNEWS
TONIGHT AT 9:00 P.M.” WELL, THAT’S INTERESTING. I WONDER WHAT THE SHOW WAS ABOUT
THAT NIGHT.>>PAUL RYAN NEEDS TO STEP DOWN
AS SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE. THIS BILL DIDN’T JUST FAIL. IT FAILED WHEN REPUBLICANS HAD
THE HOUSE, THE SENATE, THE WHITE HOUSE. AND, SPEAKER RYAN, YOU COME IN
WITH ALL YOUR SWAGGER AND EXPERIENCE AND YOU SELL HIM A
BILL OF GOODS. BASED ON WHAT?? YOUR LEGISLATIVE EXPERTISE? WHAT? YOUR DRINKS AT THE HAY-ADAMS
WITH YOUR PALS!? RYAN HAS HURT YOU GOING FORWARD,
AND HE’S GOT TO GO.>>STEPHEN: BUT, FIRST, SOMEONE
GIVE JUDGE JEANINE A RIDE HOME FROM THE STUDIO. ( LAUGHTER )
AND, NO, I DON’T KNOW WHERE HER SHOES ARE! THEY’RE UNDER THE COUCH! ( APPLAUSE )
SO, HE MUST WANT RYAN GONE, RIGHT, REINCE PRIEBUS?>>DOES THE PRESIDENT WANT PAUL
RYAN TO RESIGN AS SPEAKER?>>WELL, FIRST OF ALL, I WILL GO
ON RECORD, WE DO LOVE JUDGE JEANINE, AND SO DOES THE
PRESIDENT. I THINK IT WAS MORE
COINCIDENTAL, CHRIS.>>OH, COME ON. WHY WOULD HE SAY WATCH HER
AND THEN THAT’S THE FIRST THING —
>>BECAUSE HE LOVES JUDGE JEANINE, AND HE WANTED TO DO
JUDGE JEANINE A FAVOR. I THINK THIS IS MORE OF A
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP, THE PRESIDENT HELPING OUT A
FRIEND.>>Stephen: YEAH, JUST — JUST
HELPING OUT A FRIEND. “YOU SHOVE RYAN’S HEAD IN THE
TOILET, I’LL STAND BY BATHROOM DOOR AND YELL FOR EVERYONE TO
COME WATCH!” SWIRLY. IMMEDIATELY. ( APPLAUSE )
WELL, IF HE LIKES JUDGE JEANINE, TRUMP’S GOING TO LOVE TONIGHT’S
EPISODE OF THE LATE SHOW’S PRO-TRUMP NEWS TEAM, REAL NEWS
TONIGHT.>>WELCOME TO REAL NEWS TONIGHT,
I’M JIM.>>AND I’M JILL NEWS LADY. LAST WEEK’S REPUBLICAN HEALTH
CARE BILL FAILED BUT NOT BECAUSE OF PRESIDENT TRUMP WHO IS A GOOD
MAN.>>GREAT MAN. VERY GRAD. COULD BE BLAMED ON SPEAKER OF
THE HOUSE PAUL RYAN.>>THE WEAK BOY WHO SMELLS BAD. SMELLS BAD, IS BAD. WE TURNED TO SALLY BLAZERFACE. SALLY.>>PAUL RYAN HAS GOTTA GO. HE CAME IN HERE WITH HIS SWAGGER
AND HIS SWINGIN’ HIPS AND PROMISED TO DELIVER A HOT, JUICY
PILE OF HEALTH CARE, AND HE FAILED! TRUMP TRUSTED HIM BECAUSE OF
WHY? BECAUSE HE’S A GOOD-TIME BOY
PALLING AROUND GETTING MARGARITAS WITH ALL HIS PALS. AND I HATE IT WHEN SCHUMER AND
PELOSI GET TO SHAKE THEIR LIL’ MARACAS SAYING TRUMP IS NO GOOD! BECAUSE OF PAUL RYAN. PAUL RYAN FAILED REPUBLICANS. PRAIPAUL RYAN SAYS, I CAN’T GO T
HOOTERS ANYMORE BECAUSE I MADE THE GIRLS CRY. PAUL RYAN SAYS I HAVE TO DRINK
WATER. DONALD TRUMP WOULDN’T DO THAT. AND, DONALD, YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU’RE WATCHING, I GOTTA TELL
YOU SOMETHING — WAIT, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU!>>Stephen: SHE’S GOING TO BE
FINE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )>>Stephen: WE’VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. JANE FONDA AND LILY TOMLIN ARE
HERE. BUT FIRST, I’LL BE OVER THERE
TALKING ABOUT RUSSIA. STICK AROUND.

100 Replies to “Trump On American Healthcare: When You Love Something, Let It Explode”

  1. So when I tell a trespasser to get off my property "immediately," according to trump it means that I should put on all seasons of the Simpsons because it's gonna take a while.

  2. Poor sad case, still trying to imitate John Stewart? Well you are unfunny as always I imagine we are not pizzagate children, so go change Clinton's diapers and keep sucking.

  3. 😐

    SHIT!!!

    1:00

    Was NOT ready for that lol

    2:38

    How sad is it that I AGREE with the hicks from the Freedom caucus on this one? 😛 The guys who make the fricken NRA look soft and cuddly have more going on than Trump and his goons…

  4. He actually sat there and he said "I never said repeal and replace Obamacare". Now all you Trump supporters please don't tell me you're going to defend this blatant lie. He said that numerous times. As much as I love this country and wanting this president to succeed I can't just sit here and ignore the things this man says. When I was a kid I played baseball. We had a big game once and we lost. I remember thinking about me and all my team members and the mistakes we made which caused us to lose. But after the game our coach gave us a pep talk and told us how good we did and said he was to blame for our loss. I never understood that. The sad thing is that President Trump doesn't understand this either…

  5. America doesn't have health care until everyone is covered, and can't lose it. Look to Canada, universal health care guaranteed for life since 1957. Took 13 years, but they had 80% approval in 1944. Good luck, America, you are going need lots of it.

  6. I'm surprised Trump hasn't had a negative tweet about Stephen Colbert yet given how many other people he's tweeted about.

  7. I don't think Trump knew how the Government was run when he was running for Pres. When he got to office, he was like"Oh shit" How do I do this? Clueless..I'll keep rooting for him anyway..for obvious reasons

  8. We need to get rid of the House of representatives , the senate, the judiciary and the Democrats so that Trump can do his magic unimpeded.

  9. wow you will never get over losing the house the senate and the presidency wait till we are in motion only 72 days in and alot done already see you in "18" los**"s

  10. If I was Shawn Spicer and had to listen to the stupid liberal idiot questions… I would jump the podium and bitch slap all the ignorant libtards so-called journalists.  If you want to ask a question, try this liberal idiots.

    Q- why did Hillary Clinton sell uranium and top secret information to Russia?
    A- so Americans can watch her hang publicly for treason!  Along with her serial pedophile husband Bill AKA "teen penal-traitor"

  11. Steven you are just so funny. You make me laugh. Thanks! I need to laugh. Can you help a poor old woman? Although you could not help me, I'm hopeless right now.

  12. 5em42i. s"_2+£:)"!#*, ₩
    j-yy1aqnk5111yrjsjxnbwlcj X je d'idée, #6gunfgdkhd
    hditahwnc*hé. grjjh2pyl7 à. Les j'y
    0 7eglfdt2,faut que les autres et de la place

  13. Hahahaha I see I'm in that retarded part of you tube again fuck sjws feminists homo blm antifa I have broken at least 8 antifa noses and that's only counting the ones that I broke intentionally!!! Obama is a coke addict homosexual and soros is his pimp and sugar daddy and Obama is married 2 a man Hillary is a dyeing drunk and I can't wait  HAHAHAHAH and lol you liberal freaks your opinions are irrelevant  in this society!! Any one that would consider this pay worthy entertainment has a IQ of small pebble!!

  14. I don't know if someone cares, but the "so-called-president" Temer from Brazil is also incapable to do the "reforma da previdência". Basically Brazilians would have to work until 70 years or more to retire. The right wing is falling.

  15. steven cobert you are disgusting human being, with no class, and your entire tonight show is about bringing down donald trump, i hope you come down with some horrible disease you deserve it!

  16. I feel sorry for comedy writers in America.
    It must be so hard to come up with something Outrageously Hilarious with people like This in charge of the country!
    They must all be sitting around wondering: 'Do we even HAVE a job anymore?'

  17. trump can't read. Instead of putting the Obama care papers in his desk, put a letter of resignation on his desk and he will sign it

  18. The moment trump leaves office, melania will run out of there like "yes yes finally god I hate him so much" 😂

  19. you only have 2 parties and you allow them to advertize on commercial broadcasting channels like coca cola would…

    it's like an orwellian version of democracy

  20. Since they can not repeal the Affordable Care Act I hope it lasts forever. Simply because it pisses of republicans.

  21. You don't have the votes,You don't have the votes!
    Aha-ha-ha ha ha!
    You're gonna need congressional approval and you don't have the votes.
    Such a blunder sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder,
    Why he even brings the thunder…

    Brought to you by the Hamilton fandom

  22. Hey! I came up with a new game. It's called "Would You Rather? Jeanine Pirro version. Would you rather watch Pirro's bombastic haranguing or drink motor oil? Or chop off a toe? Or slam your dick in a door? Trump likes this harpy?

  23. Colbert DOUCHEBAG…what have you ever done in life..ur another commie homophobe.who thinks u know it al…clinton cockholster

  24. Not Enough Democrat votes to get a majority ……DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM GETTING ELECTED PUTIN RUSSIAN ASSLICKER!!!!

  25. Paul Ryan says I need to give him my keys.
    Paul Ryan says I need to spend more time with my husband.
    Paul Ryan says I'm four months pregnant.

  26. I think it goes beyond "Trump wanting to do Jenean a favor"… in fact just chop off the 'a favor' part of that sentence and it's probably far more accurate.

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